The moment when you realize you are done with Uni.Today was not my last exams( I still have one left- which I already did partially-) but I had THE exam.The one I was preparing for 1 year, the 1 I always tought ” it’s too hard, how will I be able to do that?” But I succeeded.
The future is uncertain, I really DON’T know where I’ll be in May, if I’ll be in Uk, as I always tought, or Spain, or Switzerland…or here.because now, despite all the previsions I am liking my life here.I’ve been liking it since I came back from uk, in June 2009.I still don’t know if my life is gonna be like this year for a little more.Maybe something will change.But onestly I don’t know what to do.I just know that when my life wasn’t like this I wasn’t happy.And I took places, ppl, and things that I forgot away, back in my life.And left who and what was wrong.Glad to see you again.
Nothing last more than 2 years in my life.
From September till july every 2 year and then the big change.And this time as well.A guy came into my life to upside down it completely.A guy somehow so similar to someone else, a guy at the same time so different to everybody else.
I didn’t succeed with the man I love and now I turned all my energies to someone else.I’ve been trying for 2 years.Sometimes I made mistakes, sometimes I was too scared to do the right thing, sometimes I wanted him so bad I coudn’t focus my life on anything else.
But after 2 years I gave up, and when I gave up another person came into my life.Temporary he is going to be temporary.No attachments, cause I want in my life what I had during those last 3 years: the conviction of being completely and deeply in love.The only thing I’ve got to understand is if I still want this thing from the 2 years guy or, after graduation and after the temporary man, I will be ready to find someone else.
Oh and another thing.How can those 2 years can come to and end if this summer is still here?
The first post of the summer, and the first post in a long time.
Nothing changed in the last few month, or at least nothing important, nothing that left the sign.It’s the same old me.
I kinda feel better about the Uni life. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel.I mean , it’s not bad to say 3 and a half exams to the end.That makes me feel pretty close to the end.And a few projects ready to start, a long journey in the USA, and really looking forward to send CV all over the (British world).
I am also feeling blessed cause for the first time in my life, my no-love life is making me happy.I know want I want and I don’t need nothing else.The fact of meeting a guy who treated me with respect is enough.The capacity of avoiding or at least ignoring all the others is making me feel proud.
I am getting ready for an entire summer in the city which I will spend whole writing my dissertation on this awesome terrace.And maybe , once in a while go to see him in the countryside.I coudn’t ask for more.
tumblrbot asked: WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE INANIMATE OBJECT?
maybe is a predictable answer , but I would say a book
Ok finally free.
Finally I have time to think about what happend recently , and I have time to summarize and analyse it.
As long as I focus myself on studying there is no fu****g problem at all.But whenever I am free to have a look on facebook, or to make a phone call to a friend I realize I miss something.
I miss him particulary but most of all I miss the sense of ” I know what will happen next ” that I had when I was flirting with him.I have nothing to imagine, nothing to fancy about, no stories that my mind can made up.No future in real life , and more than that no future in my mind.
I know that every other single guy I fancied won’t last in my mind first , and of course in the real life.
Does it mean I need someone new already in my life?
It’s such a pity cause I was so comfortable with what I had.
I believe that if you do something good to someone , something good will be done to you.I believe in fortune and I try alway to see the brightside of what happen is my life.
That’s why there’s so many people and so many things that let me down.
One month, let’s say 2 , of total crazyness.
Crazyness because I’ve been in the meanwhile so close and so far from the man I love.It’s already over, and I’ve already mended the pieces of my broken heart.
You know, when you are used to these situations , the recovery take less time than the previous one.The sufferance is the same , but you can start again sooner.
I know that whenever I will know that he is dating someone else it will be hard again , that now could be easy because I know he is single and all those stuff.But I also know I have something to do.I have projects .I have Spain and I have a master.
And the most important thing is that I said all the things I was supposed to say.No regrets.
I have the feeling everything is happening to people around me and nothing is happening to me .But I don’t want anything of the options that are proposed to me.I want something else.I just want one man, and now that he ignores me I want him more.Exactly like one year ago.Fuck
Ok I ‘ll say it.Number 3 and number 5 of my top 5 of ” most important relationship” are single again.
Will I do averything is in my possibilities to have sex with them soon?
Yes.Even if it is going to be difficoult.
